Rambling On

Maudlin Thoughts

My dad passed away last year. And my mom has been living on her own since then. Well, not really alone, she has a companion living with her, a helper to take care of the household chores and someone who tends to her garden.

I realize how lonely she must feel since my dad passed on and more so since all of her kids are living away from home. Me and my sister are out of the country while my brother is working in Manila far away from our place in the province. So, my sis and I make it a point to text her daily and I call her every week.

We talk usually for about an hour. About what we did for the week, gossip, things to be done. We discuss mostly just random things. I want her to feel that we do think about her often.

Anyway, today I gave her a call and we ended up talking for more than two hours. She told me she had kidney infection and that made me worry a lot. Thankfully, she is now better and her medication is working well. This is one of the things that I really hate about being an expat. Not being there when my mom needs me. It’s a hard choice to make and it does break my heart.

But I know she understands. My family is here and she told me she knows, if there is anything seriously wrong, I’d be flying home as fast as I can arrange it.

I hope she gets well really soon. I know its something one anticipates when one’s parents are aging, but its hard. She told me she wanted to make arrangements for any eventualities. I’m not about to dissuade her even if it pains me. But I have always known her and my dad are very practical and forward thinking persons. I remember my dad before he passed away, he had everything prepared. He said he lived a full life, he made mistakes but that is part of life, and is ready to move on.

Such maudlin thoughts, but I can’t help it. I’m frightened, and even if I know she’ll be alright for now, I’m not yet really prepared for anything wrong to happen. That is cowardly of me,  a stark contrast since my mom is such a fighter and would face whatever is coming head on.

I guess I’ll never be prepared. For now she is fine and I hope, pray that she will be fine for a long time.

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