Rambling On

Dreading…

At sundown today, I had to drag myself to go out. I asked hubby to drive me to an electronics shop coz I wanted to have a look at video cables, but I didn’t find what I needed. Then I asked to go to a mall. To walk aimlessly. Just to exhaust myself and let my mind drift.

I just wanted to get my mind off from thinking too much. Why? A lot of things are happening. Mainly to my family back home in the Philippines. Its so hard to live far away from your family and its a million times harder now coz my dad is sick. He has been brought to Manila for MRI scanning because there is a growing lump on his back that is causing him severe pain for the past few weeks.

My dad is a diabetic since the 1990’s, then he was diagnosed with prostate cancer 7 years ago. He managed to fight these diseases and now he is 82 years old, still strong enough, still gardens, and can walk sprightly without assistance, he even travels alone. But since we discovered that lump on his back, things have been going downhill. He spends a lot of time lying down coz of the pain. He has become irritable coz he’s not used to being cooped up inside the house. Then two weeks ago he had to be hospitalized, but the doctors could not diagnose what’s with the lump.

We made the decision to have an MRI scan since the last test – CT scan yielded no results. And today we got the MRI test result. We fear the worst. That his otherwise silent for years prostate cancer has been slowly spreading. I dread knowing what’s in that scan result..

I know my father is old already and there are things that cannot be avoided. My dearest wish is for him not to suffer…

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