Mommy Stuff Rambling On

Birth Story Disappointment

I’ve been meaning to write about this. But I always end up not being to form a coherent post about it. Perhaps because it was too new, the experience was too raw and too close to heart. No amount of window dressing, shopping, heck! even a diamond ring could take away this feeling.

Yes, my feelings of disappointment. But after four months it has mellowed out. Thankfully.

I think every mom has their birth plan. And we always pray that things would go according to plan. I have envisioned myself giving birth naturally, with no help of drugs. A badly wanted a normal delivery. For one, we are living as expats here so I don’t have the support of my family.

After I give birth, it will just be me and my husband taking care of the little one. So, I was thinking a cesarian deliver would be really hard. Added to the fact, that when I gave birth to my first daughter, it was all normal natural birth. And I didn’t take pain meds while on labor. So I thought this would be the same.

I was so wrong.

My water broke early. Too early and I didn’t have any contractions. By the time we got to the hospital, my water was all but drained. I was starting to have contractions but it took just too long to have any progress. Then everytime there was a strong contraction, baby’s heart rate would drop.

It scared me. Freaked me out. Till my OB we’d have to do C-section. At that point, my only concern was to get the baby out as safely as possible.

So yeah, I had a C-section. Not my idea of ideal birth.

I was so disappointed. For weeks, I blamed myself but slowly I’ve started to focus on the fact that things happen for a reason.And I have a beautiful, healthy baby boy..

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